My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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