Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
