i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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