the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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