I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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