there was a trapeze. enough said
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think my moral compass just broke
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
