dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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