You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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