I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken