I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.