oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
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We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops