I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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