i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I need moral support for this bender
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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