Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
