When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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