pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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