I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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