Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
