I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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