so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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