that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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