the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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