dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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