We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
