I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
