Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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