she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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