I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
