She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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