Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
