Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
