My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
