you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
be right there i have to get my cape
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
