There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
