while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU