I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?