I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once