I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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