any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
whose parrot is this?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.