My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."