if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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