I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
