Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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