is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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