If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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