We won't sleep together?
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
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I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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