It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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