I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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