i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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