why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
