Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
this is an emotional support booty call
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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