remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
