a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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