Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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