Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
