Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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