I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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