I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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