Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
