i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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