I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
