I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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