I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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