'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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