two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
