Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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