I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
