My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
