I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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