God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
