It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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